Captain Balljack and the Pork Roll Xpress
If I made a porno, that would be the title. Unfortunately, I am not in the porno-making business, so you will have to deal with me explaining the totally non-pornographic meaning of the title of this post.
To start, I give you the newest addition to Voodoo Bicycles’ lineup, the Captain Balljack. It’s a 26” BMX bike with horizontal drops and a dual-sided bottle opener/head tube gusset. It’s so you can throw big backflips in the park while opening 2 beers at the same time. According to the Voodoo website the bike will also be accompanied by a new set of cruiser bars and a fork (called the 420). I was wondering if the fork had brake mounts or not (it would be sweet if they were removable) for ultimate cruiser nation compatibility.
It’s named after Tony P, aka T-bag, aka Capt’n Balljack.
If you don’t know who Capt’n Balljack is, I will just give you the description that Ben gave me when I was first trying to figure out if I had met him or not:
“Tony? All I will say is that he lives, breathes, and bleeds the punk rock lifestyle. He may not be the fastest guy out there, but he will make you hurt.” -Ben
I should also add that he upper-decked the toilet at AZ bikes. That man deserves a frame named after him.
Okay, we’ve got Captain Balljack out of the way, so how about the Pork Roll Xpress? This requires some background. . .
Most of my relatives live in New Jersey, and we would always visit them about twice a year when I was growing up (it’s usually about once a year now). Whenever we went out there in the summer, one of the things that I will always remember was my grandfather grilling these unidentified pieces of meat (which were somewhere between ham and spam) on the grill with fresh ears of corn. These unidentified pieces of meat which were such a big part of my summertime visits to new jersey are called Pork Rolls.
It was later in life that I learned that pork rolls are exclusively a new england treat, and in fact, are more specifically a delicacy of New Jersey. I know that’s an oxymoron, but it’s true.
To make a long story short, my mother (who grew up in New Jersey) loves them so much that she has conquered the internet and found a source for pork rolls. That source is none other than Pork Roll Xpress, where you can not only get pork rolls shipped to your door, but you can have them accompanied by other delicious new jersey treats like “Boardwalk Style Frankfurters” and “TastyKakes”.
My tracking number says that the three pounds of pork rolls she ordered for me will be here tomorrow. I’m planning on firing up the grill and grilling some squash from the garden with the delicious spiced ham-product which will arrive on my doorstep tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be a good day.
Friday may not be so good considering how many of those things I may put down.
You idiot! What do you think will happen when all those food addicts you know find out you have Pork Roll. You’ll be rended limb from limb and be lucky if get one burger for yourself. Trust me, people who find out you have a 3 pound pork roll are mightely impressed.
- Daddio
Link | August 2nd, 2007 at 2:55 am
please. PLEASE. PUHLEASE! do not ever sully the good name of new england again by INCORRECTLY including new jersey in the fray. it’s bad enough that we have to include connecticut and new hampshire. ugh. new hampshire… all the land that maine and vermont didn’t want.
- robert
Link | August 2nd, 2007 at 6:33 pm
I would like to formally apologize for including new jersey in new england. I should have clarified that new jersey is actually the parking lot for new england. My apologies.
- Nathan
Link | August 2nd, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Get it right, traditionally, pork roll is properly served as a ‘PEC’ (pork roll, egg, and cheese on a hard roll topped with salt, pepper, and ketchup). None of this grilling it burger style crap.
- jenn
Link | August 3rd, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Hey – I live in that parking lot….....and to Robert – have you been off the NJ Turnpike – it’s just such a lovely parking lot to live in and to Jenn – hell no – you HAVE to have a porkroll on a bun grilled – you from around here? No impurities with that “EC” and salt, pepper AND ketchup? Yikes. And Nado – do you KNOW how much I now know about handalbar mustaches NOT sandwiches? Ta Ta and live aloha.
- Aunt Phelu
Link | August 4th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Wowzers, I never knew such an obscure food could stir up so much response. I have to say, I do love the pork rolls on a grill, but you have me intrigued, jenn.
Do you pan fry the unidentified slice of meat log before creating the PEC (aka cholesterol special)? I may have a new food to add to my repertoire.
- Nathan
Link | August 5th, 2007 at 3:22 pm